Exploring Canadian Slang
by phatcaliforniadreamin
Summary: You've seen American slang! You've seen British slang! You've seen Australian slang! But what about Canada? Believe it or not, but our forgotten friend DOES have a slang! Rated T for some suggestive themes. WARNING: OCs and possible OOCs...
1. Eh

**My first fic! *runs around cheering* I've been **_**dying**_** to write one, but couldn't think of any good ideas…**

**Now don't get me wrong by the title, but I'm actually American ^_^' One day I was thinking **_**'In America we have slang, so Canadians no doubt have their **_**own**_** special slang other than "eh" that Americans are clueless about~',**_** so I went and Googled "Canadian slang" and there it was. Being a Hetalia fan, I decided to write a fic about it.**

**If I make any mistakes, all you Canadians out there don't shoot me for it. **_**PLEASE**_** don't shoot me! *hides under desk* Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. If I **_**did**_** own Hetalia, I would be a very happy soul~**

**I'm not gonna put these in any particular order, so hold on to your socks peoples, 'cause here we go! ~**

"Nice hat, eh!"

"Five more pancakes eh!"

"Oops, didn't see you there eh."

A certain American was visiting up North and decided to try to blend in a little better with the local population. Suffice to say, it wasn't working out.

Canada sighed as he watched his twin and his fruitless efforts. The old man next to him shook his head.

"Americans sure are clueless, eh?"

"You have no idea…"

**Aaannnd that's it for chapter one! Stick around, there's more on the way! Eh? ;3**


	2. Kerfuffle

**Chapter two! Enjoy~ **

"Hey Bro! What'cha doing?"

"My car's been having all these problems lately…"

"Really? That's too bad! What's wrong with it?"

"Well it keeps making these loud clanking noises whenever I accelerate, and the breaks sometimes get stuck… I've talked to a mechanic, but he can't find anything wrong with it. I'm in a real kerfuffle…"

"…"

"What? Did I say something weird?"

"Nope, you're good…"


	3. Double double

**Okay, let me get a few things straight: 1) this story is written **_**in tribute**_** to Canadian slang; it is not my intention to offend anyone 2) since Canada represents **_**all**_** of Canada, I'm not restricting myself to just **_**one**_** regional dialect 3) a lot of the situations I put Canada and America in are things that tend to happen to **_**real life tourists**_**; it makes the whole thing even funnier in my opinion 4) yes, kerfuffle **_**is**_** fun to say. Sadly, we here in Oregon don't use it *pout***

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy chapter 3~ I'm gonna use two slang this time, for double-double the fun ;3 WARNING!: Human names…**

A certain Canadian known to some as Matthew Williams had received an invitation from his twin brother Alfred to go see the Indianapolis 500. Knowing that if he refused the invite, his southern neighbor would just keep dogging him until he caved in, so he decided to say 'yes' right away and take a long drive (in Quebec's car, as his own was in serious need of repairs) and ferry ride to the American city.

When he arrived, he was met by a familiar wide grin that simply ached with enthusiasm.

"Yo Matt! How's it rollin'?"

Canada put his hand to his forehead. "S-sorry, I've been on the road for a while… I need a Timmie's…"

America looked at his twin with a blank sort of look. Canada sighed.

"I need coffee, in other words…"

"Oh! Well why didn't you just say so? I was just on my way to Dunkin' Donuts to get about five boxes of donuts!"

"Why on earth do you need _five boxes_?" said Canada, exasperated.

"Several of my states are coming to watch the race too! Gotta have enough snacks for everybody!" replied America, with no less enthusiasm.

The moment the two bothers got into the shop, America ran to the counter and ordered the donuts before Canada could even blink. Sighing again, the Canadian walked up to the girl behind the counter.

"Can I get a double-double please?"

"I'm sorry, what"

"I said, can I get a double-double please?"

The girl looked at him as though he were from Jupiter. Sighing yet again, Canada repeated:

"One coffee, with two creams and two sugars…"

"Why didn't you say so?"

"I'm not from any planet _you've_ heard of before…"

**Tada!~ Don't Forget to Review!**

**Canada: Well you sure took a while, eh?**

**Me: Yeah, sorry about that…**

**Canada: Don't worry about it too much… would you like some pancakes?**

**Me:*takes the pancakes* Thank you. May I warn you that you might not enjoy the next chapter?**

**Canada: Eh? Why?**

**Me: You'll see… Syrup please.**

**Canada:*hands over the syrup, looking nervous***


	4. Hoser

**That's right fans! I'm back! :)**

**America: Wow! You **_**really**_** took your time! O.O**

**Quiet you! Yeah, there's really no excuse for my extended hiatus, so I'll just cut to the chase and start the chapter! Enjoy!**

By the time our favorite North American brothers got to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway carrying the donuts, they were met by five people just outside the stadium with plenty of time to spare. When they had come into full view, America shoved the stack of boxes into Canada's arms and rushed over to greet them.

"YOUR HERO (and Mattie) HAS ARRIVED! :D"

"Um, Al?" Canada was struggling to keep the Leaning Tower of Donut Boxes steady.

"Hm? Oh! Sorry Mattie! Here, let me get those for you… You remember Indy, Mitt, Hi-o, Minnie and Wissy don't you?"

With the boxes out of the way, Canada had the opportunity to get a good look at the quintet of American States before him:

The first one, Indy, was a well-built young man with light blue eyes and short, somewhat bristly sandy blond hair covered by a dark fedora. With the addition of his leather jacket, his appearance kind of made him resemble a certain archeologist/adventurer from a movie of some sort… When he saw our Canadian friend, he waved to him.

The second and third ones, who were also boys, waved in his direction as well. The one called Mitt had dark hair and teal eyes, and was oddly dressed in formal slacks and a navy hoodie (his alibi was that his regular Laundromat was closed for repairs). The one called Hi-o was shorter than Mitt, had straw-colored hair with cornflower blue eyes, and was wearing a set of overalls and a baseball cap for the Cincinnati Reds.

The last two were both girls. While both were the same height, they had a couple notable differences. The girl called Wissy had long ash-blond hair tied in pigtail-like braids with hazel eyes, and was wearing a Packers fan-jersey over a noticeably large pair of 'jahoobies'. Minnie had short, light brown hair and grey eyes, and while she had on a pair of swimming goggles over a pink headband and light blue zipped up hoodie, in comparison to Wissy, her chest was about as flat as an ironing board.

Canada somehow felt like a pervert comparing the two. It was times like this he wished he hadn't been raised by a Frenchman…

"…Hey, are you okay Uncle Matt?"

"…Huh? Um, yes… I'm just fine thank you…"

America gave his twin an enthusiastic pat on the back, which caused the more introverted nation's knees to buckle.

"Nice to see the gang's all here! Even though NY, Illinois and Penny couldn't come on account of a Yankee's game and upcoming paperwork deadlines, there's enough of us here to finish all the donuts I bought for us!"

"Yeah…" added Canada. "Looks like the foundations of a pretty good Social, eh?"

"A Social? Don't you mean 'A Social Gathering?'" asked Mitt, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, no actually… What I meant was-"

"Aw, Uncle Matt's just talking funny!" interrupted Minnie. "He does that sometimes, ya know?"

"Yup! Totally!" agreed America.

The awkwardness of the situation was averted by Indy, who chose this moment to talk to Matthew.

"So, it's nice to see you down here in my State. Been a while hasn't it?"

Canada let out a sigh of relief, and nodded. "Nice to be down south for a bit and get away from another one of Ontario and Quebec's constant getting into fights… Although, haven't I seen you at least once before now at a hockey game a few months ago?"

"…Yeah, I was at a hockey game a while back. Independent of the league…the Fort Wayne Komets vs. the Toronto Maple Leafs, right?"

"That's right! Even though your team lost… You guys had to be the Hosers, eh?"

"Eeyup…" said Indy, smiling a little. "The Hoosiers walked home as Hosers, right?"

Everybody else, while confused, couldn't help but crack a grin.


	5. Two-four, Mickey and Garburator

**Canada: …**

**America: …**

**I'm in college. Deal with it. On a sidenote, everyone please keep in mind that I'm not going to use every single iteration of a certain slang word in this fan fiction. I am aware that there are more than one ways of using certain slang words, but seeing as how I am not Canadian myself and am only writing this for fun, don't expect to see me use every single incarnation of a certain word imaginable. Also, given the growing length of each individual chapter, I'm gonna start using more than on slang word in a single chapter. Enjoy!**

After about an hour, Canada, America and his Band of Relatively Merry States were finally in their seats and waiting for the race to begin. However, for undetermined reasons the race was being delayed for forty more minutes.

In the wake of these sorts of situations, the only thing to do aside from gluing themselves to handheld devices was to engage in small talk, which is exactly what they chose to do.

"So," Alfred began, already beginning to stuff himself with donuts, "what're your provinces been up to today?"

"They've all got their own agendas to take care of, though Quebec was nice enough to lend me his car so I could come here…" answered Matthew, sighing for what felt like the umpteenth time these past couple of hours.

"Been having car troubles?" asked Indy, quirking his eyebrow.

"Um…"

"Let me guess, you've been having trouble with the _tires_ haven't you?" interrupted Mitt, smirking a little.

"No! I was having trouble with the engine and the brakes! And that joke wasn't that funny, so stop laughing like that Al!"

Once America had stopped chuckling and had pulled himself together, he decided to change the subject.

"It's a shame that none the provinces couldn't come, then we'd turn this little get-together into one big family reunion party!"

Canada gave his twin a look. "Al, don't tell me you've forgotten the last time we held a family reunion… Then again, I wouldn't be too surprised that you don't given that both you and the state of California downed a couple of two-fours of Molson Canadian beer and two mickeys each and caused a big ruckus while under the influence… Not to mention that giant mess that was left afterwards…"

"Um, remind me what a two-four is again?" asked Hi-o, scratching the back of his neck. "And what a mickey is?"

"A two-four is basically slang for a 24 pack of beer, and a mickey in this case is referring to a pint of hard liquor. Long story short, America was drunk off his arse. The end."

"I wasn't _that_ drunk!" protested America. "England made me do it!"

"Actually, this time it wasn't his fault. If it was, then he would have been going around in that goofy toga and changing everybody into who-knows-what with that… wand thing of his. Anyway, if I remember correctly, he was the one who had to pry you out of the garburator after the party."

"The what-now?"

"The garbage disposal."

"Oh right! Man, that lecture he gave me totally blowed… I mean, how was I supposed to know that Crisco makes a lousy hair gel?"

Alfred grimaced as he remembered the British man's harsh, angry words back then. While getting yelled at by him wasn't anything out of the ordinary, he wished that the he could've at least not been so loud since he was trying to get over a hangover. Same with his treatment of Cali too, though she was only guilty of stripping down naked and groping some people.

"Oh look! The race is gonna start!" said Minnie, in an effort to divert the awkwardness of the topic.

"Sweet! Hey Mattie, bet ya ten bucks that the red one's gonna win!"

"Um, if by that do you mean American dollars or Canadian dollars?"

"Uhh… You know what, let's decide after the race. I can't remember the exchange rate of the top of my head."

Matthew merely nodded in agreement, actually beginning to get excited. He knew that no matter how crazy things get between him and his brother, what with his constantly being overshadowed, Alfred almost always stuck by him. And no matter what sort wild antics he got himself into, they were still a family. Granted a rather dysfunctional family, but one that had its heart in the right place.

…

Most of the time anyway.

_A/N: For those of you who did not initially get the joke, Mitt was making a reference to the hardware store chain Canadian Tire. Anyone who can spot other references to things in this fic will make me very happy. Also, I give my sincerest apologies for any potential spelling errors for certain terms made in this chapter. Some of my internet sources had different spellings for a few of the words._


End file.
